Sasuke and the Chili Cheese Fries
by Gaige's Peppy Sweetheart
Summary: Sasuke is making a romantic dinner for Sakura and goes to the store, but he gets hungry on the way back and gets some food. Notice/Warning: SasuSaku lemons shall occur in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

A.N. Enjoy!

It just happened to be another one of those lovely days in Konoha in mid august, but unfortunately the weather was fairly bad all of the sudden. It was so random; the sun was shining brightly then clouds decided to pop into the sky and turned dark, drenching the ground with pouring down rains. It was so heavy with rain that one couldn't see more than 25 feet ahead of him/herself. On this pouring down morning (about 8:45) in Konoha, a certain 12 year old chicken-ass haired shinobi by the name Uchiha Sasuke was driving to Costco in his 2014 Honda Accord with the pink windshield wiper fluid and crocodile leather seats. (Yes, it's so kinky like Rick James said). Sasuke pulled in backwards like a lil gangsta into a vacant parking spot and turned off the ignition after putting the vehicle into park. He got out his vehicle and released a small fart and walked to the entrance of the well-known store.

Sasuke pulled out his lil Costco card that had a small picture of him smiling like Dan when he got a taste of Tsunade back in 1981 before he passed away from bleeding to death after that huge dookie doodoo dush. The guy at the front gate/door checked him and let him in. Sasuke had a very specific purpose for going to Costco that rainy day (actually two); he was going to get a present for Naruto's birthday and get the ingredients for a very special dinner for his Sakura-chan. He wanted to give Naruto the gift in his mail box and immediately run back home to fix her the dinner. He had various ideas of what to fix her, but he had to think quickly since it was their one-month anniversary.

Sasuke scratched his nuts through his white shorts and first walked to the first section that appeared: the jewelry section. Uchiha Sasuke looked down for something special for Uzumaki Naruto; he felt like buying the yellow-haired shinobi some stud earrings since Naruto decided to go gangster, but he didn't quite know the boy's taste. Sasuke figured that he could buy something that would suit his own taste and give it to Naruto. Sasuke went to the back of the store and got some pork tenderloin that came in four in a package, some cream of mushroom soup, rice, carrots, onions, tomatoes, and lettuce. He planned to make a soup in the crock pot and let it set for about 8 hours. After he bought all the ingredients and Naurto's gift, he went to the checkout line that had about three people in it; the other lines were fairly packed and he had to hurry and fix his dinner for his special girlfriend.

When Sasuke got to the gate where someone checked the receipts to make sure that they charged the customers correctly, he saw someone very familiar and very large; it was Akimichi Chouji, and he was eating something like normal. Everyone made fun of his eating, especially Yamanaka Ino. Not that he minded cause he was madly in love with her.

"What, what the hell is yo fatass doing here?!" shouted Sasuke as he handed Chouji the receipt. The obese shinobi just grinned with his eyes closed: "I got a job here! Apparently they allow 12-year olds to work now." Sasuke look down at Chouji's huge rubbery lips smacking on some food in his mouth and Sasuke then asked, "What the heck are you eating, anyways?"

"Chili cheese fries," responded Chouji as he restrained himself from eating another as he began to tell the chicken-ass boy about the fries, who was clearly taking interest by the fact that he was salivating. "Where do they sell them?" asked Uchiha Sasuke. "Off the road where the Ramen Ichiraku used to be (due to the city becoming more modern, the shop was closed a few months ago) and near Tsunade's Lingerie Shop there is a place called Sonic," answered the tubby doodoo head known as Chouji. "It's a drive in place that looks kinda retro, but they sell a lot of good stuff, like these chili cheese fries. I'd recommend going over there since they have slushes that are on sale!"

"Awesome, thanks a lot, Akimichi Chouji!" screamed Sasuke as he shoved Chouji into the wall, banging his head against the metal gate. He fell down and lost his consciousness for a few minutes and got back up to see that someone had trampled all over his fries. He let a salty tear run down his cheek.

Sasuke got to his car and threw all the stuff into the back of the car and got to the driver's sit to start the car. He turned the key of the ignition and started driving to the location that had the chili cheese fries. When he got to Sonic, he pulled into one of the stalls and pushed the red button. After he heard feedback, a female voice spoke up. "Welcome to Sonic, nigga, what can I get yo ass today?"

"Yeah, I'd like a large order of chili cheese fries and a Powerade slush, pimp," answered Sasuke to the voice in the box. "What size will yo ass take?" she said. "Large," responded Sasuke. "Wow, you sure are a fag," said the female. "Just kidding, it's a joke I've been doing lately. I can see you through a camera and I bet you got a sexy bitch at home waiting for some sweet asshole sex since I can tell you are an ass guy, am I right?." "Got that right, bitch," said Sasuke as he lowered his sunglasses and winked into the menu for some reason. He always admired his reflection, and the well-polished menu reflected the face of the chicken-ass emo. "I'll come as soon as I can so you can enjoy it," said the voice.

Sasuke waited for about 283 seconds and then the voice that he heard in the box approached him it was….Shizune!

"Shizune, what is yo ass doing here?" asked Sasuke. "Are you stupid?" responded Shizune. "I work here, dush! " she pointed down at her kinky roller blades and Sasuke got an erection and blushed. Shizune handed him his slush and the chili cheese fries and handed her a ten dollar bill. He asked her to give him back three dollars though it cost $6.18. "Hey, where the freeze ray are the onions?!" shouted Sasuke at Shizune who was skating away and returned the question with, "We ran out!"

"Damn," said Sasuke. He was really hungry so he grabbed an onion in the back of the car and took out a kunai and started chopping it really fast. Sasuke loves raw onions, so he was enjoying the smell of them and he covered the fries with them. He started licking his lips and ate some of the chili cheese fries. "These are pretty good fries! These fries are so good." He turned over the engine as he farted and drove home. As he started to drive home, he started to notice something, really, really wrong with his system. He didn't know what it was, but he couldn't hold it back, and let out a huge pphhhbbbbt!

"…..Uh-oh.." he said as he felt more coming.

Sasuke pushed the button again and he got the same female voice of Shizune on the line. "Sasuke, I noticed that your ass is still here. Are you gonna twerk it or something? Or is this about the onions?"

"Help me!" shouted Sasuke as he farted into the speaker.

"Like, lol, are you farting?" asked Shizune who was laughing really loudly as well as several people inside.

"Yes, what happened? Why am I farting so much? I've never farting this uncontrollably in all my life!"

"Get outta here, Sasuke! It's early hour happy hour and there are more customers waiting for your spot!" responded Shizune with a huge laugh!

"Fine, who needs you!" shouted Sasuke as he rolled up the window.


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh, shit," said Sasuke to himself as he let out another string of farts, about seven of them, each of them about 71 decibels. It sounded like someone was hitting a sforzando on a grand piano. "Ahhh! That hurts my butthole!" he screeched. He started to let out some cute little poots from his perfect anus as he started moaning lowly and put the car in reverse. He decided that maybe the chili and beans were making him fart and that he shouldn't let it bother him seeing that he had more important things to do like get the food in the crock-pot. On the drive home, he farted about a hundred times and felt that his britches were moist with farts or even shit.

"I'm sure a quick shower won't hurt the process of our dinner," said Sasuke as he was pulling onto the street and into driveway. He farted as he put the car on park and opened the trunk to get the items out. "Oh, shit, I gotta take a dush!" he screamed as he hastily dropped the items on the counter and moved into his bathroom at the speed of sound. He pulled down his white shorts and his lime-green thong and pointed his asshole into the toilet while the flat surface of the toilet water reflected his nuttsack and asshole. Sasuke's buttcheeks vibrated ultra loudly as he let out a mammoth-sized fart into the toilet, causing the water to move around like a huge boulder was dropped into a pond, breaking the calm surface and causing the water to dance wildly.

"UGHHHHHH!" screamed Sasuke as he held onto the grab bars on the walls. He installed them for when his grandparents visited, but also used them to maintain balance and force to let out his crap. Sasuke finished up and washed his hand and went back into the kitchen.

"Better get started, asap," Sasuke murmured to himself. He walked into the kitchen and pulled out a large knife and began to chop the carrots and onions and put them in the crock-pot. He opened some cans of cream of mushroom soup and some Lipton onion soup mix and mixed some pepper and Coca-Cola into the bowl and used a whisk to mix the ingredients well. He took a taste on the whisk and released an "Mmmm" and poured it over the pork tenderloin that he had just put in the slow cooker. He pressed a button and set the timer for eight hours. "Well, time to be lazy," Sasuke said as he went to the living room. He turned back around and grabbed a Kirin beer and sat in front of his 36" tv that was positioned about 10 feet away from his dark blue leather couch. He decided that he may as well catch up with "Days of Our Lives" since his mom introduced it to him when he was 9. But then...

Phbbbbbbbbt!

Sasuke farted again!

"Not this again..." said Sasuke as he felt a huge gush of air escape his juicy hamburger buns.


	3. Chapter 3

Sasuke looked down and felt his stomach grumble as more gas began to form deep within his intestines. Luckily he had DVR and was able to press the pause button on the TV; he was kinda glad anyways because he hated the multiple commercials that aired during the show. Sasuke got up and headed to the bathroom as soon as he was in front of the toilet, he took down his white shorts and directed his rectum towards the vast oasis of a toilet bowl and sat down so fast that it made the porcelain throne shake a bit. He strained and hoped that he could let out some turds so he could feel better, but the water just moved from the air that came out.

"Dammit!" shouted Sasuke as he gritted his teeth in anger. "I feel like I gotta shit, but I can't do anything but let out some loud-ass farts!" He decided that it was useless to try to shit, so he pulled up his thong and got off the toilet. He went back to the living room.

"Dammit, all this straining from trying to shit made me exhausted," said Uchiha Sasuke. "I need a beer to calm the fuck down. Stupid-ass nigga Shizune with her cheap roller blades."

He grabbed his beer and decided that it needed something to eat with it. He went to the kitchen and grabbed some Pikachu Pop-Tarts and slid them down the slots and pushed down the switch. He grabbed another beer so he wouldn't have to go back when he ran out and the toaster made a ding! sound, indicating the Pop-Tarts were done. He put them on a sexy chinet paper plate and went back to the T.V. room and sat down on the couch while the cushion made a pwish noise from the leather.

He unscrewed the cap of the Kirin beer and began to sniff the gold liquid. He thought nothing of it and started to drink it as he pulled off the thunderbolt sprinkles on the Pop-Tarts and began to ingest them. To his amazement, the sprinkles and beer was a good combo. He turned the show back on and heard a bitch fight on the soap opera and started laughing really loudly at the women who started to bitch slap one another and complaining about damaging their bracelets and what not. All the sudden, Sasuke felt a vibration and saw that it was his phone. It was a text message from Sakura. He turned on his phone and read it.

"Sasuke-kun, we are about to board the plane to Konoha in an hour. We should be home in about seven hours. Love you."

"Can't wait to see you, too, babe." He sent this and put down his phone. He picked up the beer and continued drinking the delicious Japanese beer and felt something really weird going on in his stomach. "Do I need to fart again?" he wondered, but his buttcheeks beat him to the answer as a huge gush of wind escaped his ultra tight anus and stained his underwear.

"Shit, I need to see a doctor," said Sasuke as he finished the beer and threw the empty bottle into the fire place real fast much like Will Ferrell did in "The Campaign", causing it shatter into about 42 pieces as it impacted the brick wall. He sure the hell was _not _gonna clean up that mess since it was not his fault he had bad farts.

He picked up his phone and put it to the Siri app. "Find nearest doctor who can help my farts in the area," he spoke into the phone and it made a chime and said, "I have found four gastroenterologists in the area." He looked at the addresses of each of them and found one that was about 3 miles up the road.

"I hope they can help," he sighed as he began to dial the number while a fart bounced around his rubber asshole.


	4. Chapter 4

Sasuke pressed seven buttons and heard the dial tone ring three tones before a female voice picked up. "Hello, this is Dr. Watkins Gastro-Intestinal Clinic, how may I help you?"

"Um, yes..." said Sasuke a bit haltingly since it was gonna be really awkward to tell this stranger about his problem. "I have a bad, uh, flatulence problem that has suddenly occured today, and I was wondering by any chance if there are any open slots for me to see the doctor today."

"In other words, you have a farting problem?" she asked as she tried to stifle her laughs.

"Yeah, bitch, they're slapping my buttcheeks and hurt like the dickens! Listen!" he held the phone up to his butt and let out about four farts at about 76 decibels; it sounded like several cars passing through the phone at that level of loudness.

"Oh my freaking goodness, you're gonna make me fall over laughing!" she shouted as he stopped farting.

"Dammit, this is serious, I got a girlfriend coming home from Australia soon and I need to be cleared of this farts as soon as possible!" said Sasuke impatiently.

"By the sound of your voice, you sound like a breast guy; are you gonna squeeze dem titties of hers when she gets home?" she asked with a chuckle.

"Hell yeah, bitch, you got that right," said Sasuke. "You know I love to squeeze titties, even if they are small, as in the case of my girlfriend lol. Anyways, now about the appointment..."

"One moment please." Sasuke waited for about 45 seconds, listening to that dreadful tropical island like music. He grew increasingly impatient as the seconds went by.

"Actually, we do have one available at 4:30 this afternoon since someone cancelled, can I take a name to write you down?"

Sasuke remembered that Sakura would get home in 7 hours from a few minutes ago and he saw that it was 10:19 a.m. He knew that he would have to fill out a ton of papers and go through insurance stuff, so there was no way he could get all that finished in 45 minutes.

"I'm afraid that I don't have the time to go today, since I have other matters to attend to, but thank you so much, anyways," said Sasuke in his polite voice.

"No problem. Have a nice day, pimp," said the female on the other line.

"You too, ho," said Sasuke and they both hung up. He sighed. He had three more numbers to try.

He pushed another sequence of seven numbers and another female answered, this time with a deeper voice but sounded very friendly.

"Thank you for calling Dr. Yeung's Internal Clinic. How may I help you?"

"What the hell? You sound like you're running a restaurant." said Sasuke almost in a rude tone.

"Shut the fuck up, it's called freedom of speech!" she said, "look it up sometime!"

"Ok, you're right, sorry, I did not mean to act like an asshole," apologized Sasuke. "I need help."

"I'm sorry I snapped at you, too; I'm just a bit upset because I have been subpoenaed and have to go Wednesday out of country to South Korea. I have to testify against my ex-boyfriend for illegal drug trafficking that I used to help him with."

"Ouch, sorry about that," said Sasuke disappointed as he let out a huge fart!

"It's nothing to worry about. Now you said you needed help?"

"Yeah, I will be blunt and say I have been farting continuously for the past hour and I tried to take a shit, but it didn't do shit! Is the doctor available today at, say, noon?"

"Hang on just a moment, sweetie, while I look at our appointments." The horrible music played yet again, and the farting ninja rolled his eyes. "Hmm, unfortunately, the next time he has a spot open for walk-ins is tomorrow at three in the afternoon. Sorry about that," she said and Sasuke groaned in disappointment.

"Thanks anyways, have a nice day," he responded. "You too," she replied. Click! went the phone.

"Let's try this one," he said with a loud fart and pressed the buttons. A voice picked up, this time it was a male.

"Dr. Tanner's assistance speaking, how may I help you?"

"Yes, I'm not gonna beat around the bush and tell you why I called," said Sasuke. "I can't stop farting and I need help now! Are there any open spots today?"

"I will check for you, just one moment." said the man on the other line. Once again, terrible music played and it only took about eight seconds before he came back. "Sorry, but we don't have any today. The next vacant spot for an appointment is in six days. You could schedule it for then."

"I'm afraid I can't wait that long, thanks," said Sasuke as he hung up.

The farting chicken-ass emo found the last number and prayed that there would be some relief and that he could get an appointment with this final place. He dialed the number and a perky female voice called.

"Dr. Nelson's G.I., can I help you?"

"First, do you have any appointments cancelled where the doctor could see me?" begged Sasuke and to his surprise, she was able to give a response without the elevator-like music playing.

"Yes, there is one available at 12:30, but we strongly recommend coming in an hour early to fill out all the proper paperwork first," she explained.

"Oh, thank you!" said Sasuke as he farted twenty times within seven seconds. He heard a giggle. "I guess that's why you need to see the doctor today because of all your farts?"

"Sure do," said Sasuke embarrassed.

"Can I take your name?"

"Uchiha Sasuke," he said as his buns pushed out a fart.

"Great! We will see you soon." And with that she hung up.

Sasuke took a sip of his beer and ate the rest of his Pop-Tarts. He needed to get rid of the smell of alcohol before he went to the office, so he brushed his teeth and took quite a bunch of Listerine© He went to his room and took out a spare pair of underwear and shorts in case he shitted himself, but he was hoping that would not happen.

Sasuke got in his tricked-out Honda and followed the directions to the gastroenterologists.

A.N., Honda, Pop-Tarts, Kirin Beer, Listerine and, of course, Naruto are all belong to their respected owners.


	5. Chapter 5

After about six minutes of driving, Sasuke got to the clinic. He went to the receptionists desk and saw a female with robin's egg blue hair in twin pigtails sucking on a lollipop and reading a Redbook magazine. She saw the chicken-ass emo appear and she smiled at him, not to be polite, but because she heard his copious flatulence slapping his buttcheeks back and forth, causing him to silently grunt in pain.

"Are you Uchiha Sasuke who was on the phone not too long ago?" she said with a giggle.

"Yes, I am, what's so funny?" he said with a small frown on his face.

"It's just that you looked _nothing_ like you sounded," she explained. "Also, I think your hair looks like a duck's behind!"

"You're not the only one who's told me that," he gestured as she handed him some forms to fill out. He noticed the name; Sunadori Yoko. The name sounded very familiar.

"This may be a _huge_ long shot, but are you related to Sunadori Ayame?" asked Sasuke.

"Yes; she's my half cousin," said Savannah with a smile. "How do you know her?"

"We went to school together, but the last time we were in a class was in 5th grade, and now that I'm about to go in 8th grade I haven't seen her since then. Is she home schooled or did she move?"

Sasuke and Sakura were some of the younger students in their grade; they were both entering 8th grade at 12 years old, but they were going to turn 13 in October; hers the 2nd and his the 14th.

"No, and yes; she was never home schooled, but she did move," responded Yoko.

"Why? Parents got a new job?"

"No, she's in college."

"Are you serious!? And she's only 12 years old!" shouted Sasuke, making several people in the waiting room look at him.

"Actually, she's 14; she was originally held back in kindergarten and now she goes to the University of Pennsylvania as a biotech student."

"That smart-ass," Sasuke as he farted, causing Yoko to blush. She pointed at the papers he had in his hands.

"You will need to fill out these papers on your health history and insurance," she pointed out, causing Sasuke to fart.

He pulled out a light blue pen from his pocket and began to write down. Name: Uchiha Sasuke. Date of Birth, October 14, 2000. Height, 5'6. Weight, 138. Blood type, A. Insurance, Blue Cross and Blue Shield.

Next followed some questions.

How often do you drink? 1) At least once a day 2) Only once a day 3) At least once a week 4) I don't drink

He put a check mark by the first choice.

How often do you smoke? The choices were the same as above, and he filled in four.

The other questions were about random stuff like if he had diabetes, did he have any surgeries or operations in the past year, did he need certain medication, etc. It took him about ten minutes to fill out everything and he went up to Yoko and handed her the papers.

"Thanks, pimp, please sit down and we will process your information."

"Thanks, shawty," said Sasuke and he sat down. He pulled out his Samsung Galaxy and played various games for what seemed like several hours, but it was only about 25 minutes. All the sudden, a middle-aged man came into the waiting room and said, "Uchiha Sasuke, we're ready to see you now."

The poultry-butt haired shinobi got up and went into the hall way with the doctor who held out his hand. "I'm Dr. Satori Nelson, and you must be Uchiha Sasuke. What seems to be the problem, young man?" he asked as he looked through the papers the ninja had filled out shortly ago.

"I got bad farts, and I can't help it," said Sasuke as he turned around and pointed his asshole at the Doctor and farted really loudly. The Doctor responded by waving his hands to get the smell away from his nose.

"I see, well, we can do an internal analysis of your intestines by taking an X-ray. We can get your prepared for it as soon as possible, dush."

"Ok, that would be great, my girlfriend is coming home soon and I wanna get rid of these farts before hand."

"Sure thing," responded the Doctor. "Go into that waiting room and change into this gown. You can keep your underwear on, but you have to take you clothes off." He pointed to a room across the hallway and handed him two gowns. Sasuke entered the room by himself and saw the gowns and started to undress. He took off his blue shoes and his white shorts until he was in his blue shirt and his dark blue bikini. He looked down at his underwear and saw the snake that resided in his bikini and decided that he could wank later. He finally took of his shirt and put on the gowns, both of them in different directions so his front and back would be completely covered. He walked into the hallway and let out a loud fart, causing a nurse to drop her clipboard and gasp at him. Sasuke blushed and the doctor saw him.

"One thing I have to ask you, Sasuke," the doctor said calmly.

"Yes, sir?" responded Sasuke politely.

"Is it really true that you drink beer more than once a day?"

"Uchihas cannot lie, and it is true; I love my Kirin beer as much as my girlfriend. Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but I like my beer a lot."

"Well, I can't really judge you, since I'd be a hypocrite; I took up smoking at 11 and gave it up at 17, so this will be our little secret," said the doctor.

"My parents know I drink beer; they supply it for me because if they don't, I start setting fires in people's gardens," confessed Sasuke.

"Uh, ok...," said Doctor Nelson as he opened the door and told Sasuke to enter. Sasuke looked around the room and saw a bed thing and some large machinery.

"This is where we're gonna take your X-rays. You need to take this solution of barium sulfate so it will show up on the developments. It will be nasty, but you do want to be treated for your flatulence proble, correct?"

"Yes, sir, anything to help these awful farts," said Sasuke with a blunt tone as he let about seven farts escape his cheeks within three seconds.

The doctor handed him a cup. "Drink this, it's quite a lot, and it leaves a chalky residue, but that is quite normal," he said as the 12 year old drank it. "Yuck!" he said as he shook his head.

"Ok, get on this platform so we can began the X-rays," said the Doctor and Sasuke did not hesitate and quickly positioned himself on the table. After about a few minutes of stuff, the X-rays were finished and Sasuke's eyes were spinning from the flash of the light.

"How long will it take for them to develop?" said Sasuke, concerned.

"Take a look now," the doctor said as he showed the boy the diagrams of his intestines. Sasuke was amazed at what his insides looked like and that he was able to see his 20 foot small intestine. It was kinda gross.

"Well, although it will take some time to analyze these, I do have a few questions that may make things simplier." The doctor said as he took the X-ray and hung it on the wall. "What time did you start farting and did you eat something out of the normal that may have caused it?"

"Hmm, I started farting at about 9:30 this morning and the only thing I had that I never had were chili cheese fries at Sonic, they were so good, by the way," said Sasuke as he was getting hungry.

"I think I have a theory," said the Doctor as he had the thinker look. "Do you normally ingest dairy products?"

"No, why?"

"There is a very, very high chance that all your farting is caused by the reaction of the cheese; in other words, you're lactose intolerant and your body is farting as a side effect," the doctor explained.

"But, I took a shit earlier and I thought that would help; why didn't it?" asked Sasuke as he let out some more wind escape the hole between his buttcheeks.

"Apparently, there are still some reactions going on in your body. You will you have to take some medicine I will prescribe you and it should help. My other suggestions? Don't eat anything with cheese or milk or it may get much worse." He hastily scribbled down something illegible on a piece of paper and handed it to Sasuke.

"Go to Walgreens and they should help you," instructed the Doctor.

"Ok, thank you so much!" said Sasuke as he let out a huge fart which hurt his anus. He left the clinic and went to his car and started to drive.

Note: All names are used for fictional purposes and if you happen to know someone by these names, it is entirely coincidental.


	6. Chapter 6

A.N. Shout out to crystalthrone, Aki-kun, the short bus, and everyone else who reads this! You guys are awesome! =3

Sasuke drove to Walgreens and had two options: go to the drive-thru window or go inside. He figured best to go inside since he needed a few things. He hated how he was nine years too young to buy beer, but he would at least get something like gum or a movie from the Red Box.

Sasuke first went over to the counter and saw someone familiar. The figure had purple hair, green eyes, a tan trench coat and a hideous fish-net body suit; it was...

"Uchiha Sasuke, is that you?" asked the figure from behind the counter. Sasuke face-palmed himself and slapped her face, too.

"Of all people...Mitarashi Anko, what the hell are you doing here?!" screamed Sasuke, causing a group of people to look at him.

"I've got an internship here, dumbass; now what the hell do you what?" she asked as she tapped her boot.

"Yeah, I got a farting problem, bitch, and I need you to fill a prescription for me," he said bluntly as he slid a piece of paper to her.

"Oh, my fucking goth!" she said as she looked at him who had an emotionless expression on his face. "You gotta take _this_ for your farts?!" She started laughing and smacked her knees with a rancorous uproar of laughs.

"What is it?" said Sasuke. "Why are you laughing so much?"

"Oh, I don't wanna tell you; I'd rather you wait and find out," she said as she handed the paper to someone else. "Give us about 15 minutes to fill your prescription."

Sasuke took out his phone and started playing while sitting in a chair near the counter. He heard a few giggles and he started farting really loudly as he air escaped the twin buns that held his hole.

"Ok, Sasuke, we got them ready," announced Anko as he took out his wallet and handed her the cash. He looked at the translucent orange cylindrical bottle and saw about 10 spheres about the size of a jawbreaker. Anko started giggling and he snapped his head to her?

"So am I supposed to chew these?" he asked as he inspected the bottle again.

"Nope, read the bottle, stupid," she said as she went outside the building to smoke a cigarette. Sasuke looked at the bottle but saw some very very tiny writing on it. He couldn't make it out so he figured he would have to use a magnifying glass. Problem was, he doesn't have one at home. He went to aisle that had them and bought a big one and a pack of Oreo's and went to pay for them. He got back in his car and drove home. He took the bottle and opened the magnifying glass and read it.

"Used as a suppository. In simpler turns, shove it up your ass."

"Da fuq?" said Sasuke as he looked at the huge jawbreaker sized pills. "They expect **_me _**to put this in my asshole?" He sighed. "Well, if it cures my farts, I guess I will do it."


	7. Chapter 7

Sasuke gazed at the large, jawbreaker-sized pill and had a "Eff my life" expression on his face. There was **_no_**way he could fit that into his small poo poo tunnel, but he **_had_**to get rid of these farts before Sakura got home. He saw his phone and saw that it was 2:27 p.m., and she was bound to be home in about 3 hours. He inhaled and got a good smell of the pork he was cooking and went to look at it. He jabbed a fork into the meat and it wasn't fully tender, so he put the lid back on and thought of a way to put that pill into his rectum.

Sasuke went to into Itachi's room and found a tube of KY jelly that Itachi used for anal sex with Karin. It was in his nightstand drawer, underneath some random stuff like dildos and vibrators.

"The fuq? My brother rolls this way?" asked Sasuke to himself; he prayed that they were Karin's, but he didn't want to think otherwise.

Uchiha Sasuke went into the kitchen and found a box of latex gloves that were used for medical purposes, since Mikoto was a nurse at the local school. He put a large amount of lube on his gloved fingers and lubricated his asshole so the pill could fit in easier. He had to stretch it a little, and his butthole grew a little bit, making it easier for a fart to escape, which is exactly what happened! He let out a monstrous fart that didn't really slap his buttcheeks, but abused his hole when it escaped.

"Awwwww, shit, now my asshole hurts!" screamed Sasuke as he felt the gush of air rip the sides of his flower after it was formed in his intestines. He had enough time to put in the pill, so he slid it down into his inner walls. However, this procedure didn't work as planned because as soon as he did, he let out a huge fart that blew it outta his asshole and ricocheted the wall and hit him in the back of his head.

"Aww!" he shouted in pain as he felt the butt-juice covered pill hit his chicken-ass hair. "That little son of a bitch just hit me!" All the sudden, he had a very weird idea. He looked and saw on the living table on the coaster was an empty beer bottle. He licked his lips in memory of downing that wonderful amber-colored beverage with the Japanese dragon on the label, but he would have to get another one later. Sasuke grabbed the pill that flew outta his ass and put it in his butthole again. He grabbed the empty bottle and put the neck into his butt to block the pill from flying out. He let out a fart, and his plan succeeded! The pill was still in his lower inner walls. He got the bottle of medicine and saw the directions.

"If you cannot retain pill in rectum, we advise you to block your anus with any selected sanitized objects such as a finger, a spoon, a the neck of a drink bottle, or a dildo. You must keep inside for at least 10 minutes so the heat of your asshole can dissolve the pill into your system."

"The hell? I'm supposed to maintain this position for at least 10 minutes?" said Sasuke to no one. He sighed and sat down on the bottle. He grabbed the remote and an Xbox controller and started playing Mass Effect 3. He started to notice that his butthole was getting numb and wondered how much time had passed. He was so engrossed in the game that a total of 23 minutes had passed and he took the bottle out and felt for the pill. He did and it had gone down to the size of a green pea. He figured that it was small enough and he pulled it outta his asshole and smiled.

"That wasn't so bad, huh," he said. "Now to get a beer." Sasuke decided to go for something different and he got a can of Colt 45 and a bag of lettuce out of the fridge and sat down in front of the television. He started slurping on his beer like a gangsta while he munched on lettuce like a lil rabbit but then...

Phhhhhhbbbbbbbbtttttt! He felt some air push itself outta his buns and it was the most painful thing he ever experienced!

"What...the...fuck!?" said Sasuke as he drank the rest of the beer and pulled his dad's S&W 500 revolver (most powerful commercially manufactured handgun for those who don't know) out of the table drawer, went outside, threw the bottle up in the air and pulled the trigger, causing the bottle to explode!

"Gosh danggit! Why does this shit keep happening to me?! I just wanted some fucking cheese fries and _this_ happens to me! I have to humiliate myself at the doctor's, bitch at that bitch Anko, shove a big-ass pill in my asshole, and I _still_ keep farting!" He fired another shot blindly and it coincidentally hit Team Rocket's balloon, causing it to pop and swirled around in the air before it flew outta the horizon.

"We'll steal yo Pokemon one day, mother bitcha!" they screamed. Sasuke growled and took out one of his Pokeballs. He let out Starmie who made an "Ooooh" sound from its vocal chords which more than likely did not exist.

"Starmie, take me to Sonic; I need to confront that cheap slut Shizune about the fries she probably tainted," ordered Sasuke. Starmie positioned itself where its jewel was facing the ground and Sasuke climbed up on it and rode it like it was a skateboard. On the flight, he did a few tricks like a pop shove-it and some heel flips and even the 900. He loved his water/psychic type Pokemon and sometimes had kinky dreams. He managed to get to Sonic and saw the green-haired female with the roller blades.

A.N.: The reason he didn't ride starmie ealier was because he was shopping and couldn't carry everything on its back. Lmao. XDD


	8. Chapter 8

Sasuke called back Starmie into its Pokeball and approached Shizune. She was carrying a few Route 44 drinks and some hamburgers to a customer who was driving a 2014 Mercedes S63. Sasuke withdrew his kunai and grabbed her and held the blade a few inches from her face. She gasped and looked at Sasuke with fear and a "WTF" look.

"Alright, you walking play ground on cheap roller blades, what did you do to the fries?!" demanded Sasuke as he positioned the blade closer to her throat.

"Uchiha Sasuke, what the hell are you doing?!" she gasped as she dropped down the tray of food which splattered against the ground. The customer let down the window of the expensive German automobile with an angry look. It was...Jiraiya!

"Uchiha Renea Sasuke, what in Konoha's good name are you doing?!" shouted Jiraiya with a piercing look at Sasuke. (Yes, his middle name is Renea; it's so kinky lmao)

"This cheap floozy here more than likely contaminated my food and now I can't stop farting!" replied Sasuke at the ancient, decrepit Japanese senior citizen.

"Uchiha Renea Sasuke, though I may be jealous of you being with Sakura, I would never do anything like that!" confessed Shizune with a small blush. Sasuke released the woman and she turned back around to face him.

"If it wasn't you then who-Wait a second, you're **_jealous_**that I'm with Sakura? What the hell; you're like, 15 years older than me! I mean, what kinda cougar are you to hit on 13 year old boys?" screamed Sasuke as he let out more farts.

"Yes, I'm afraid it's true, Sasuke-kun," blushed Shizune as she rubbed her cheek with her hand. "Ever since that time Sakura healed that fish with the Mystical Palm Technique and you were by her side, I couldn't help but think of how cute you were! But alas, our relationship would not work out."

"Damn right it wouldn't work out," scoffed Sasuke as he put his kunai back in its sheat under his shirt. "I mean, you still live with your mom, right?"

"No, I moved out about three weeks ago after I saved enough money from this job to get a studio downtown," corrected Shizune as she got a broom and began to sweep up the mess that covered the ground.

"What about my food, Shizune?" inquired Jiraiya.

"Go stare at someone else's young ass, you pervert!" said Shizune who threw the hamburger against the Mercedes. "I've seen you looking at our asses while we skate; you should be glad I haven't called the police on you!"

Sasuke got on Starmie and went back home. He went to the fridge and poured himself a glass of green Kool-Aid and sat in front of the TV. "If Shizune didn't do it, then who else would...have...Wait a minute. I think I know who did!" he exclaimed with a huge fart that slapped his buns, buttcheeks, anus, and thighs. "I'd better get moving, fast! I have a little over two hours until Sakura gets home!"

Sasuke went to the fridge and got another Kirin beer and drank it. He went outside in the pouring down rain and threw the bottle against his neighbor's roof, causing it to shatter, although one could not hear it well due to the pounding rain.

"Starmie, get the hell outta your ball and take me to Costco! I got a score to settle with Akamichi Chouji." The star-shaped Pokemon did not deny and he got on it like a skateboard again and flew to Costco. Starmie loved the heavy rain because it was singing in joy. It took about 8 minutes and Sasuke jumped off and recalled Starmie. He saw that huge wad of flesh and bones checking someone's receipt; it happened to be that ugly dude Sarutobi Hiruzen.

Sasuke approached Sarutobi and Chouji, both of them turning to him. "Can I help you, Uchiha Sasuke?" asked Sarutobi with a smile. "Anything I can teach you?"

"Yeah, get lost, you old ass-pounder!" shouted Sasuke and he used a Jutsu that sent the old wise man flying with his stuff after him, causing about seven twinkles in the sky.

"Now, as for you, tubby titties, what the hell did you do?" shouted Sasuke at Chouji. The fat ninja had a blank look on his face and acted almost surprise.

"Oh, my, Uchiha Sasuke, whatever are you talking about?" asked Chouji as he started to giggle and slightly blush.

"I bet you did something to make me fart, didn't you!?" enforced Sasuke. "Why? _Why?_"

"I'll tell you why...on my break, which starts in 28 seconds." he said as he looked at his Barney watch.

"Nhh, find, whatever, I'll get a drink," said Sasuke as he went to the food court and saw Deidara working behind there.

"I'd like a soda, girl," said Sasuke as he snapped his fingers in a fruity fashion.

"Omg, shut up, just because I choose to wear my hear like this does not mean you get call me girl, chicken-ass duck-face emo punk!" replied Deidara. "And that will be 67 cents. Sasuke took out three quarters and took the cup and his change and went to get a Sprite. He dashed back to Chouji, who was sitting on a bench near the gate.

"So, fatass, what the hell did you do?" asked Uchiha Sasuke as he sipped on his drink and let out a ton of farts that smacked his buttocks, causing his buns to dance in his bikini.

"I put on you a special Jutsu that only I can reverse; it's one that only the person who cast it can reverse," explained Akimichi Chouji as he began to eat some of his hot dog he bought not too long ago.

"Ok, but why did you to this to me, you fat loser?" asked Sasuke as he finished his drink; he wanted to keep the cup so he could get another refill.

"Because...everyday you psychologically torture me with your cruel humor; calling me a fatass, and today, you went to a new low when you shoved me against the wall!" bellowed Chouji as he flung his hot dog and landed in Sasuke's hair. The wiener started dancing in his chicken-nest of a hairdo.

"Oh my freaking goodness, get this thing out before it destroys my beautiful natural hair style!" screeched Sasuke as he ran away like a doo doo head and farted all around the store!


	9. Chapter 9

A.N. *farts on people who hate this story*

Uchiha Sasuke continuously ran around with the wiener stuck in his hair, dancing around and destroying the look of his dead-mallard-stuck-on-head hair style. He screamed and grabbed the processed cylinder out of his hair and threw it on the ground.

"What the hell is wrong with you, fatty?!" he screeched as he gave Akimichi Chouji and evil glare that did not even make the jumbo-sized fatty flinch. Sasuke farted so loud that he felt that a turd was half way outta his asshole.

"I read your twitter post which said how much you adore your natural poultry-ass shaped hairdo and exploited that weakness to get what I want!" said Akimichi Chouji as he let out a huge fart which escaped his anus and made his entire shorts shake like a tremor.

"Do you how many magazines I've been in for "Best Natural Hair in Japan"? 28!" he slapped chouji who farted.

Ok, i'll be short on this chapter; being swamped by school work!


	10. Chapter 10

A.N. *farts on all the people who cannot _**take a**_** joke!*** My story!

"Akimichi Chouji!" bellowed the ninja with a big penis called Uchiha Sasuke as he went up face to face with the tyrannosaurus fatass. "Why are you abusing me like this in public?!"

"You? You wanna talk about abuse?" Began tubby tubby yum yum Chouji. "What about my feelings? What about my pride? Remember in kindergarten? I was on the swings and you pantsed me and and everyone saw that I wasn't wearing any underwear?! Everyone started laughing at me and I had to get spanked on a park bench in front of everyone! People were taking pictures of my ass and posted them on the internet, no thanks to you, Uchiha Renee Sasuke!"

"And I don't regret that one bit," confessed Sasuke proudly.

"Ugh, you're the filth of the world, Sasuke; you're only 12 yet you drive a tricked-out Honda, you drink beer and get away with it, you look up at the filthiest of porn on the web! Have you no shame of the disgrace you are giving the legendary Uchiha Clan?!" roared Chouji as he threw his bag at Doritos straight at Sasuke's hair. The chicken-nest emo ducked and slashed at it with a kunai!

"Just what do you hope to get out of me, Akimichi Chouji?" demanded Uchiha Sasuke. "Why do you envy my life? Are you that obsessive about how much of a badass I am? Cus I gotta admit, I am one helluva badass, so it's understandable for you to be jealous, but still! You are going overboard and heading to insanity!"

"And I don't give one flippin' fuck, Sasuke!" laughed Chouji as he wiped off the sweat drops that were pouring from his brow. "I will reserve the Jutsu if you fulfill my request."

"Bitch, please, why should I help yo ass?" scoffed Sasuke as he started to slightly laugh.

"Because, I am the only one who can help your farting ass!" laughed Chouji; he clearly had an advantage over Sasuke on that score.

"Ugh...fine, what the hell do you want? A pizza?" gestured Sasuke with a cackle in his sexy voice.

"Always gotta be a comment about food...you poor little bastard," said Chouji, "but, no, this doesn't relate to food. It relates to my true love-Yamanaka Sharon Ino, whom I've loved before Hurricane Katrina hit."

"You've loved her since you were five?" question Sasuke as he arched an eyebrow real high.

"Yes, it started when-"

"Shut the crap up, fatty!" shouted Sasuke. "I don't wanna hear any of your lame-ass stories! Just tell me what I gotta do."

"Make her have sex with me," pleaded Chouji. "I feel like such a loser, being a virgin at 12!"

"She's gonna say no, you know," reinforced Sasuke.

"Bribe her; I have seen her go googly-eyes over you; have sex with her so she can have sex with me, or give her money, whatever it takes! That's the only way I'll reverse the Jutsu!"

"..." Sasuke let a huge fart in response. "If that's what the terms are, find, I'll do what you say," responded Sasuke. He pulled out his cell phone and punched in Ino's number.

"Yeah, what's up, Renea Sasuke?" replied Ino through the phone.

"Yeah, I have something I wanna tell you, but it's too awkward to do it in person; can you come to my house in say, 15 minutes?" asked Sasuke as his buttcheeks opened with the force of the fart that slapped them.

"Ok, sure, I'll see you then, honey," said Ino as she hung up.

"...Honey?" said Sasuke. "Oh, boy, you better hope she does what I say!" said Sasuke as he let out Starmie. "Starmie, take us home now, dammit! I gotta settle a score that will help me later score in bed."

"Ooooooh," said the Pokemon that sounded turned on and also had a somewhat scandalous tone . The first generation Water type flew home with the ninja riding its back like a skateboard.


	11. Chapter 11

Uchiha Renea Sasuke finally got home and put Starmie back into the little gangsta Pokeball and entered his house. He was in the mood for another beer, but he couldn't keep track of how much liquor he had drunk today, so he took out a cigarette and started to prepare it in order to smoke it. He held the Marlboro between his two pink rosy lips and took out a match and lit that little fag and inhaled, feeling the nicotine rushing through his veins. He patted the ash that fell off his shoulder and finished the cigarette in about two minutes and stomped it into the ground.

"Ugh, I can't believe I gotta deal with that stupid Lady Gaga/Gwen Stefani knockoff," huffed Sasuke as he coughed from the strong odor of nicotine. "No, wait. It's not her I'm mad at; it's Akimichi Chouji who I hate. Yamanaka Ino is just a drone of a person, so this is just another setback til I can have sex with Sakura."

He looked out the peep-hole of the front door and wondered when she was going to arrive. Nothing. Not that blonde-haired chick nor a taxi, nor a bicycle. Maybe a shot of beer was in order for the time being, since he wasn't sure when she would come. Sasuke knew (as far as he was concerned) she didn't drink alcohol, but he bet that a little booze would help persuade her to get with Chouji so he could break the spell. Uchiha Sasuke _had _to think of an elaborate scheme to make Ino have sex with that tubby and part of the plan involved heavy deception of the clueless blonde.

It occurred to the little shinobi that he could use something that was _half _true in order to make the whole procedure more plausible and fool her; after all, even if she was a stupid blonde, she wouldn't just take Sasuke's deal so easily-have sex with her hunk of love then shag with a fat wad of crap!

Sasuke pulled out his phone and saw he probably had about four minutes till she would arrive. Just as if it was on cue, the phone vibrated with a text.

"I just got in a cab, I will be there in about five minutes, honey!"

"Great, we have a lot to discuss for our project for geography," replied Sasuke. He went into the pantry and got a couple of bags of Parmesan flavored Goldfish and poured them into a large bowl. He got some fruit roll ups, too, and got out some tall glasses. He filled it up with a good amount of cola and pulled out something "extra". It was a bottle of Bacardi 151, something his parents shared at birthday parties and Halloween. He filled a cup with a fifteen-to-one ratio of Coca Cola to the rum in an 16 ounce class. It would be so kinky. Sasuke thought of drinking the alcohol, but he knew he had a rather large amount already. He put the bottle back into its original place and he placed it on a tray with the bowl of Goldfish.

As if timing could not have been any more perfect, Yamanaka Ino rang the door bell. He opened the door and saw that she was wearing a cute pair of shoes; galoshes, to be exact. They were a cream color that matched her hair, more or less, and she had one some super low jeans that probably were about one inch from the top of her lady parts.

"Hey, Sasuke-kun, I see that we are gonna work on our project for Raido's world geography class!" she squeaked with a hiccup as she farted. Uchiha Sasuke arched an eyebrow up.

"Great, well, I got snacks for us, so let's get started!"


End file.
